You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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