Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
