I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
