i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
