after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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