I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
