He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
