why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my liver is dry heaving
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
