she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
