Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
