I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
