i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
