why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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