dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
