Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
did i just pee glitter
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
