he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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