I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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