1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
