i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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