I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
