She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
