So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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