I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
