Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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