Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
