Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
