I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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