Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
