Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
