i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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