i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
