I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
