Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
