I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
