why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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