It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
