Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
