Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
