he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
