remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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