Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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