I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
