This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
