Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
