C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
