You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
