i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
