Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
