So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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