I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
